By Barbara Sweeney<\/p>\n
You sit down next to a guy on a plane.\u00a0 It\u2019s early.\u00a0 He\u2019s handsome.\u00a0 Costner-esque.\u00a0 You\u2019re a woman in her fifties who\u2019d just as soon no one noticed since no one does anyway.\u00a0 And you don\u2019t want to talk to anyone because you said all you had to say to the TSA official at Logan who\u2019d done a cavity search of your luggage which included seventeen red felt lobster hats.
\nBut hey, you\u2019re dressed for First Class.\u00a0 A kind of uniform required by the airline when flying non-rev, a discount you enjoy because your brother\u2019s a Captain.\u00a0 You\u2019re kind of classy-looking, actually, with the linen slacks and stiletto boots and the great haircut.\u00a0 Big hoax, since you\u2019d never pay for First Class on your own.\u00a0 Big fat lie, since you have no money to speak of but loads of credit cards and a honking mortgage which you re-fi every twenty minutes or so to make ends meet.
\nThe unthinkable happens.
\n\u201cMy name\u2019s Jeremy,\u201d says Costner, leaning over the console, exposing onyx cuff-links on his all-business, crisp white shirt.\u00a0 Whoa.
\nYou hear a woman\u2019s voice saying your name.\u00a0 It\u2019s your voice.
\nJeremy\/Costner repeats your name.\u00a0 He smiles.
\n\u201cSparkling or still?\u201d\u00a0 Mr. Cordial flight attendant leans in to take your order.
\n\u201cJust regular, thanks.\u201d\u00a0 You feel noble when you drink water on airplanes.\u00a0 Not the coffee you would kill for, the champagne, the Bloody Mary(s), the Coke.\u00a0 Your scalp pricks with the tiny thrill of veering away from trouble.\u00a0 Costner is drinking water.
\n\u201cAre you from Boston,\u201d he asks.\u00a0 The engines start to whine.
\n\u201cJust here for family business,\u201d you say with a soup\u00e7on of dread.\u00a0 Was he going to be a talker?\u00a0 \u201cBig wedding last night in Narragansett.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty tired.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, you look lovely.\u201d
\nIn football, this would be an interception run all the way back for a touchdown.\u00a0 You feel your estrogen-deprived bones softening.\u00a0 Melting, actually.\u00a0 This First Class guy has a pedigree pelt under that shirt…<\/p>\n
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You sit down next to a guy on a plane. It\u2019s early. He\u2019s handsome. Costner-esque. You\u2019re a woman in her fifties who\u2019d just as soon no one noticed since no one does anyway. And you don\u2019t want to talk to anyone because you said all you had to say to the TSA official at Logan who\u2019d done a cavity search of your luggage which included seventeen red felt lobster hats. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uniform-lies","category-short-stories-prose"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=48"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":144,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions\/144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=48"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=48"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/basweeney.com\/writings\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=48"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}